On Anger

anger

Have you ever felt inexplicably angry?

I’ve sat through anger much in my 47 years of life.  Anger is uncomfortable to me.  Why?  In my mind, I’ve been taught that anger makes one say something they may not mean or react in a way they cannot take back.

But what if we treated anger in a different way?

What if we treated anger like a normal human emotion, one that is trying to tell us (or show us) something?  Something that we may not be acknowledging – or something that we do acknowledge – and we’re beyond frustrated about?

This is where I am – angry.

After spending some time talking about it with a really, good friend – I understand.  I feel afraid.  I feel unappreciated.  I get it!  The world says I should be self-sufficient.  I shouldn’t look to others for value.  These statements are TRUE – but only to a point.   Why do I say that?

Because, as humans, we are built for connection.

Whether that connection is one person or a few people – we all long for stability, appreciation … love. We all want to know (intrinsically) that we matter.  We make a difference.  That we are LOVED and APPRECIATED.

friends

So, as I’ve walked the valley these past weeks of feeling depleted and yes, I’m ready to acknowledge that I’m angry.  Well, what can we do to move past the anger into healing and safety?

First, talk to someone you trust.  Someone who has your back and is honest.  When we are angry, we do not always see and hear clearly.  We live in that emotion and respond in kind.  The person, who is loving and trustworthy is KEY to helping you seek out the plan you need to overcome and purge yourself of the blind rage you might be feeling.

Second, develop a plan.  For me, because I feel unappreciated – it’s asking some coworkers some questions.  Do I bring value to you and your teams?  If so, how am I doing that?  How do we support each other when it comes to application help, enhancements and training?  What am I doing right?  What (constructively speaking) am I doing wrong?  How do we communicate what your teams need for those needs to be prioritized appropriately?  The plan must include curiosity.  If we’re not curious, how can we get better?

The second part of my plan is to spend some time with a trusted plan, in nature.  To not complain, but again, be curious – or be quiet.  There is nothing like walking in a tree laden area with a stream or creek running by.  In a metaphysical sense, those negative ions the water provides help ground us in the NOW and the WHAT IS – not in the what I perceive or fluffy cloud ideas I might have.

Listen to Nature

Finally, hold true to your boundaries and what you know to be the best for YOU.  In my situation, it’s saying yes to things where I’m not in charge or responsible for other people.  I am also saying “no” to the people (whom I love dearly) but may not be the best fit for me while I’m in this state.  What I mean is – that family member or friend who might encourage you to wallow – or worse, put you in a situation where you are suffering more.

My dear readers, please hear me.  You do not have to live in anger, or despair, or sadness or in a nebulous cloud.  You can be grounded, solid in the now.  You can take control back – and … I’m just being honest … you can FEEL all the FEELINGS … ‘cause those FEELINGS are NOT WRONG.  But you DO NOT have to live in those feelings.  Reach out.  Seek connection.  Seek betterment.  Because you, my dear reader, deserve it.  Just like I do.  xoxo

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