I hate experiencing anger. You know that from a previous post from over a year ago yet here it is…AGAIN. I’ve tried acknowledging it and vocally telling it to move on. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried exercising through it. I’ve tried not talking about it. I’ve tried all the usual distractions: friends, making amazing meals for others, television, reading, facial masks with luxurious baths…I’ve tried everything. Yet here I am, raw, exhausted from the fight, listless, apathetic, and grrrrr….
Anger is insidious. It’s tentacles grab a hold of something inside me. Sometimes it’s old stories someone spoke over me that I deep down believe to be true, other times it’s resentment but overall…anger comes from a lack of love, compassion, and grace for myself. Once those tentacles grab a hold – the eventual takeover is almost assured. This round is kicking my arse.
I have a feeling of powerlessness, of shame, of sadness. “I’m not worthy of any good thing.” Do you tell yourself this, too? Do you ever feel this way? Do you sometimes feel like coming out like Muhammed Ali? Punching at anything and everything – but mostly at yourself? This is where I am. Quite frankly, it is exhausting.
So, how do I get through this one when so many other things aren’t working this time? I like to write about feelings and experiences – and wrap them up in this pretty bowed package. I can’t do that this time. I’m stuck in my own personal hell. I feel like I’m riding a bicycle up a mountain, in a headwind, not making much progress.
I don’t want to be in this state of being anymore. I’m over it.
Do you relate? If so, what are some of your thoughts, tips, and tricks? How do you pull yourself out of these feelings? How do you redirect anger, depression, anxiety, apathy, and listlessness to more self compassion, self love, grace, and empathy? Do you make friends with your anger? Let me know in the comments!