On Anger – Part 2

I hate experiencing anger. You know that from a previous post from over a year ago yet here it is…AGAIN. I’ve tried acknowledging it and vocally telling it to move on. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried exercising through it. I’ve tried not talking about it. I’ve tried all the usual distractions: friends, making amazing meals for others, television, reading, facial masks with luxurious baths…I’ve tried everything. Yet here I am, raw, exhausted from the fight, listless, apathetic, and grrrrr….

Anger is insidious. It’s tentacles grab a hold of something inside me. Sometimes it’s old stories someone spoke over me that I deep down believe to be true, other times it’s resentment but overall…anger comes from a lack of love, compassion, and grace for myself. Once those tentacles grab a hold – the eventual takeover is almost assured. This round is kicking my arse.

I have a feeling of powerlessness, of shame, of sadness. “I’m not worthy of any good thing.” Do you tell yourself this, too? Do you ever feel this way? Do you sometimes feel like coming out like Muhammed Ali? Punching at anything and everything – but mostly at yourself? This is where I am. Quite frankly, it is exhausting.

So, how do I get through this one when so many other things aren’t working this time? I like to write about feelings and experiences – and wrap them up in this pretty bowed package. I can’t do that this time. I’m stuck in my own personal hell. I feel like I’m riding a bicycle up a mountain, in a headwind, not making much progress.

I don’t want to be in this state of being anymore. I’m over it.

Do you relate? If so, what are some of your thoughts, tips, and tricks? How do you pull yourself out of these feelings? How do you redirect anger, depression, anxiety, apathy, and listlessness to more self compassion, self love, grace, and empathy? Do you make friends with your anger? Let me know in the comments!

2 thoughts on “On Anger – Part 2

  1. 1) You are worthy of love! 2) I admire you for your honesty and willingness to change, learn, and grow! 3) Is there a pattern to the events that lead to your anger? 4) My go to response when feeling stuck: Have you tried getting out in nature for fresh air and sunshine? 5) I find scrubbing the bathtub gives me time to think and use the anger for a good purpose. 6) Anger is a normal emotion

    Here are 8 simple ways to Calm Down:
    1) Count to 5. Counting is a really great way to help kids slow their breathing down, and can ground them. If really upset, a child might need to do this multiple time.
    2) Take a deep breath. Taking a few deep breath can be so relaxing for kids, and can also help slow their heart rate down.
    3) Blow into your hands. Blowing into hands gives kids the feedback of what deep breathing feels like physically, and can be a really calming process.
    4) Place hands in pockets. When kids have a difficult time keeping their hands calm when upset, placing their hands in their pockets, or sitting on them, can give them an alternative to aggression.
    5) Notice what your body feels like. Notice what comes first. By recognizing what happens in your body when upset (such as racing heart, sweaty hands, etc.) kids can learn these cues and practice their calming tools before becoming too upset.
    6) Make a fist, then relax the hands. This is another great feedback exercise, where kids have a way of feeling pressure and then practicing muscle relaxation. It is also another great alternative for kids who turn to aggression when upset.
    7) Relax the muscles in your body. Do a body scan. Start at the top of your body and work down, purposefully relaxing all of the muscles you can think about and focus on.

    The above is intended for use with children, but the concepts apply to us all. Same with the following.

    The following is from Social Thinking.

    Here are three things that mature, intelligent people like me (you) learn to think when they’re angry:
    1) I will not be angry for long. I spend more time feeling okay than I do angry. I will feel happy once again.
    2) This problem has a solution. Talking to others is really the best way to figure out other solutions. When we’re angry, our minds are often the most inflexible. Talking to people helps us to think of other ways to handle tough situations.
    3) It’s possible to have a bad time during a good day. Sometimes we feel angry or sad for a short time but know the good day will return. This is especially true when we make good choices while angry.

    When I (you) are angry, I (you) can choose from this list what to say or do:
    1) Take deep breaths or take a break. Experts on anger say that doing things like taking deep breaths, stretching, or taking a walk increases oxygen to the brain, making it easier to to think and make good choices.
    2) Use words to let others know I’m angry. I may tell others I’m angry by talking or writing things down; I don’t have to look angry to feel angry! If I look angry it may make others angry with me!
    3) Keep other people and things safe at all times. This means keeping my hands, feet, and fingers safely under my control.

    —–
    You have so many positive things to offer this world. Don’t let your anger discourage you!

    Liked by 1 person

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